***

A salesman, an administrator and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an old oil lamp. They rub it and a genie comes out.

The genie says: ’I’ll give each of you just one wish.’

‘Me first! Me first!’ says the salesman. ‘I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a boat.’

Poof! He’s gone!

‘Me next! Me next!’ says the administrator ‘I want to be in Hawaii, lying on the beach with the love of my life.’

Poof! She’s gone!

‘OK, tell me your wish,’ the genie tells the manager.

The manager says: ‘I want those two back in the office after lunch.’

Moral of the story: always let your boss speak first.

***

A couple is sitting in their living room, drinking wine.

Suddenly the wife says, ‘I love you.’

 ‘Is that you or wine talking?’ asks the husband.

 ‘It’s me,’ says the wife. ‘Talking to the wine.’           

***

A mother and her young son got into the bus and sat down. The bus conductor came up to them and asked them to pay the fare. The mother said, ‘I want one ticket to Oxford,’ and gave him a shilling.

The conductor was looking at the small boy for a few seconds and then asked, ‘How old are you, young man?’

The mother began speaking, but the conductor stopped her, and the boy said, ‘I’m four years at home, and two and a half in buses and trains.’

The mother took sixpence more out of her bag and gave it to the conductor. He gave her one ticket and a half.

***

A man was walking in the park and came across a penguin. He took him to a policeman and said, ‘I’ve found this penguin, what should I do?’

The policeman replied, ‘Take him to the zoo.’

The next day the policeman saw the same man with the penguin. He walked up to him and said, ‘Didn’t I tell you to take that penguin to the zoo?’

‘Yes’, replied the man, ‘that’s what I did yesterday and today I’m taking him to the movies.’