Food, drinks (+ marriage)

– Do you pray before meals?

– No, my wife cooks well!

Restaurants

Hot drinks to take out or sit in. – A sign on a cafe.

Eat Here – Get Gas – A sign at a gas station.

Do you want that in a bag? – A waiter asked a customer who ordered coffee.

***

Two lawyers arrived at the pub and ordered a couple of drinks.

They then took sandwiches from their briefcases and began to eat.

Seeing this, the angry publican approached them and said, ‘Excuse me, but you cannot eat your own sandwiches in here!’

The two looked at each other, shrugged and exchanged sandwiches.

***

Diner: Do you serve crabs here?

Waiter: We serve anyone – sit down.

***

Guest: Have you got any wild duck?

Waiter: No, sir, but we can take a domestic one and irritate it for you.

Marriage

He: Would you marry a sap just for his money?

She: Are you gathering statistics or proposing?

IT

Do British sites use bisuits?:)

***

Before there was an Internet, people probably spent a lot of time wondering what to do with all their pictures of cats.

Travelling

On a visit to Scotland, a fellow went to Loch Ness, hoping to get a glimpse of the lake’s famous resident.

‘When does the monster usually appear?’ he asked a guide.

‘Usually after about five Scotches’, was the reply.